Yesterday’s post was a little random… No preamble, no closing… just some writing.  It was late… and something was just bubbling around inside me wanting to be said.  I actually haven’t even figured out if I like what I wrote, but that’s what came out.  Normally when I’m writing there’s writing, revision…more revision… thinking… revision… you get the idea. Last night I just wrote, and then hit Publish. Talk about puttin’ it out there…  I never expose any of my raw writing, but I barely even let myself proof!  (In fact, I am resisting going back to it and checking it right now, just to see if I screwed it up at all!) 

I’m aware that sometimes I think I overthink.  Not just my writing, but everything in my life.  In my work, decisions, relationships… And sometimes it gets me in trouble.  Not ‘trouble’ trouble, but I often freak myself out, get myself worked up and stressed, when I probably didn’t have to be. It ‘s so easy to over-think even small situations.  Does anyone else have this trouble?

I’ve been so stressed out lately I’ve actually been getting sick.  Talk about motivation to CALM DOWN huh?  I’ve got to stop the over-thinking, the unnecessary worrying, the stressing out and reading into things.  Be a little more raw.  Raw like living in the moment, like being in the now and not in the “next week“, the “what if” and the “what happens when“. 

March 19th marks a life-changing event for my son and I.  It’s been a long journey – and for the last 6 months I’ve been stressing out about it.  When the calendar rolled into March I officially started Freaking Out.  And now it’s only like a week away.  But what I’ve realized is (thanks Lisa!) that I Have No Control over what happens on March 19th! So why am I stressing so much about it?  It’s stupid to worry myself sick about something completely out of my control.  I’ve wasted some precious precious time on my now while I’ve been concerned with what will happen then.  And I know that I can’t get it back. It breaks my heart to think of what I’ve let slip away.

To avoid losing even more time, I need to start living, raw, in the now. FEEL what’s happening now, to be involved in he events actually going on around me, with the people I’m actually with…. and let the rest work itself out. I know that it will take constant effort, and  I know that I will sometimes fail.  I’ll catch myself stressing out and have to rein myself back into the raw moment. But it’ll be worth it. So very worth it.

I’m just gonna enjoy the moments with the people I love, in the moment, in the real, in the raw.